It doesn’t matter if you’re the owner of a global, multi-million franchise or someone who just works a nine-to-five to get by, there is one aspect of us that nothing else can change but us that highly affects the way that people think of us; and that is the way we carry ourselves. Confidence and charisma are the two building blocks of any social interaction, but they are even more important when you’re in the business of attraction with the goal of finding someone to meet, get to know and maybe even spend some intimate time with.
For the longest time, men all around the world have been fighting the plague of confidence issues in all sorts of ways amongst many other things. As men, we tend to be seen more as tools by a lot of people which cements this idea in our head that we don’t have any heightened emotional requirements which is definitely not helped by the old-fashioned mindset that men are supposed to be emotionless, stoic people. I won’t be the first to say this, but as a man, it is perfectly okay to feel alone, hopeless and to crave intimacy, care and affection. So, if you find yourself in a position where you may not feel the best about your self image or who you are, join me in my effort to delve a bit deeper into our psychology and suggest you a few tips that might help you begin your journey to being the charismatic leader that you naturally are.
1. Communicate with yourself
The path to discovering yourself always starts within yourself. I know this sounds a tad “spiritual”, but it has been psychologically proven that looking within yourself to realise which one of your needs are being met and which require improvement is the best place to start. It gives you a clear goal and objective and with further communication, it should also allow you to begin formulating a plan to success.
Because everybody functions completely differently, there may be some things that work while there may be some other things that completely do not work for you; which is perfectly okay. The key to success in the ordeal of improving your confidence is to keep trying until there is nothing else left to try. What worked for me was to start small and slow. I started talking to myself out loud in moments where I was alone, and I started asking myself what I would have wished for to see all of my needs met. This should be a relatively simple and fool-proof way to figure out what exactly you’re missing.
While I know that this may seem off topic, since we’re trying to improve your confidence and not solving your deep seated traumas, but more often than not, a problem with confidence comes from something a little more personal. Perhaps an insecurity? Social Anxiety? Inability to converse? Let’s find out together.
2. Practise talking to yourself out loud
Similarly to the previous point, the idea of it all starting with yourself still very much applies here. After all, what is the point of throwing yourself into an intense social situation if you’re still terrified of it? The key to building your confidence is not exposure therapy, the secret is to slowly build it up over time so that when you are met with an occasion that you would have declined in the past, you are now able to confidently accept and attend. A fair warning to you, talking to yourself out loud will feel a little strange at first if you are not used to it; but just keep trying your best. If it feels a little too strange at first, practise when there is literally nobody around you.
The best method of progress within this step heavily depends on the person themselves. Try all sorts of different things that you can think of, really; get creative here. Whether you face yourself in the mirror as you directly just tell yourself about the day you’ve had or if you prefer just muttering to yourself as you go by your day doesn’t matter, whatever works, works. Don’t be afraid to experiment and have fun!
3. Introduce yourself to online communities
Great! Now that you’ve got yourself to a point where you can just sort of talk out loud to yourself with no problems; now it’s time to put it into action and see how you can put your newfound skills to use. There’s a ton of options to choose from depending on what you find comfortable. If you’re still feeling a little intimidated by speaking to people using your voice, you can slowly introduce yourself into a social setting via text chats and chat rooms. The best for this I found was a platform similar to Discord, where you can find all sorts of communities and chat with them over text. The great thing about Discord is that it also supports voice calls for one-on-one calls and group calls too, so if you ever feel more confident with your voice skills, you can take to a call to test them out!
If Discord is not really your type of thing, there’s countless other platforms you can explore, such as Omegele, a random video/text chatting site that connects you to a completely random user on the website who you may talk to for however long you want to; and I’m more than certain that there are other countless platforms and websites similar to the two mentioned that you can utilise to your gain. As I mentioned, get creative and don’t be afraid to try new things! After all, you’re still in a stage where you’re in the safety of your own environment, if something doesn’t go quite right, you can always block the person you’re talking to and try again.
4. Spend some time in a local cafe or something similar
Local places such as cafes, restaurants or libraries can be great places to just sit and soak up some social cues. As a writer, I find myself sitting on cafes more often than not, you pick up so much interesting things and just sitting and listening to people can give you a really good idea as to how a natural conversation flows and it could even lead you to pick up a few responses that you’d like to use in your own conversations. If you still feel a little unprepared for involving yourself in a conversation, don’t worry too much, at the moment you’re still there to just soak it all up and familiarise yourself with such a setting.
Once you feel a bit more comfortable though, try to involve yourself in meaningless small talk with someone. Maybe there is somebody reading a newspaper in the corner that you could ask if there’s any interesting news today? Maybe you can strike up a conversation with the person serving you, ask them about their favourite coffee or anything similar. Don’t worry too much about the outcome of these situations, you’re still just making yourself comfortable.
5. Take to the skies!
If you have been following along with this guide and really trying your best on continuing to keep up these habits, you are now more than ready to take your newfound skills into the wild and improve your quality of life! Go, explore bars, pubs or clubs and find some new people to talk to. Even if you’re just looking for friends in the beginning, you should be more than prepared to be the king of any social interaction that you are put in. Just remember the basics and you will never have a problem with confidence ever again.
If you still find yourself to be struggling a little bit with your confidence, I do have a smaller cheat for you that should allow you to skip all of these steps and jump straight into being surrounded by wonderful, hot women who are simply just anxiously waiting for you to call them!
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