The loss of a parent is the horror we have all been dealing with since our earliest childhood. This is in our genes. You can see the true colors of this fear when you look into the eyes of a child left alone in a kindergarten for the first time. That’s something every child has to go through… at least once. And it’s not pleasant for anyone to stay alone. However, that is inevitable.
When we grow up, the most normal thing is to “spread the wings” and leave the family nest. While growing up, we are afraid to be abandoned, but we never think about how our parents feel when we decide to go. We do not see our departure as something terrible but a completely ordinary course of events. We know that they will be waiting for us at home, whenever we decide to go back. However, the reality is far from that.
Time goes by, we all age, and getting old is just a long process of dying. Our parents are not superheroes. They are not immortal.
When they leave this world, there is no turning back. According to www.funeralflowers.org a stressful and challenging time is in front of you, and all those days when you didn’t have enough time to visit them went with a wind”. Maybe we could have hugged them at that last family reunion? Perhaps we could’ve kissed them. Perhaps we could’ve told them how much we love them and how much we appreciate them for all the days that they spent changing our diapers, writing homework with us, calming us down because of the fallen love… At least, we could’ve held their hands… Now, we can only cry over those missed opportunities because we were stupid.
When your parents die, something in you disappears. You change. You grow up, no matter how old you are physically. Then you become the only remaining person that unconditionally loves you — no turning back.
Here’s what happens to you when your parents die:
1. You become aware of how important family is
Parents love you, unconditionally. You can be sure that they will always be there for you. They will understand everything about you, and they will bring you back to the right path. They do everything for your good. That’s why the family is so important.
2. You will never get over the loss of a parent
You will miss your parents to the day you die. After 10, 20, 30 years, you will cry for them. You will get stronger. You will understand that life is not just “sunshine and rainbows” and that you too have to become someone’s “protector.” This is why you need to accept your duties, become responsible, and do as much as you can for your family. Just like your parents did, and their parents before them.
And when you finally feel that you are strong enough to move on, a picture of a father teaching you how to ride a bike start crawling into your memories…
3. You will be annoyed by people who complain about their parents
Your best friend is getting frustrated by her mother’s tutoring about cooking and motherhood. Some bros are complaining that their “mothers and fathers” are always calling them and interrupting, at work, during a movie, etc. Presumably, their parents don’t have anything better to do than calling them and asking about their health and happiness.
You get mad about it. You would give everything you have to get that one call from your mother or father. You would like them to ask you about your work, whether or not you still feel that pain in the knee that you broke as a kid, or how well their grandchildren are doing at school.
You would like to hold them in your arms, just once more… You wish those friends could only understand how much they are lucky that their parents are alive and well. They will not be able to turn back the time.
Love your parents while they are alive. Showing them love after they die is useless. Tears and memories are not going to bring them back.
4. Pain is always present
This is the kind of pain that never fades away, no matter how old you are or how good your life is. You are going to miss your parents. You will always miss them. You are going to cry. You’re going to cry a lot.
5. You will feel bad because your kids will never meet your parents and because your parents have never met your kids.
This fact can bite right into your heart like a meat cutter. Your children will look at old photographs of your parents, and you will feel bad about it. Those photos can’t hold your children in their old arms full of love. Those photos can’t buy chocolate to your kid or gently rub their small heads.
6. You will be jealous of people whose parents are still alive
Some of your friends are going to their parent’s house for lunch, and they are angry about it. They would instead go to some bar or spend time with their “bros”. Parents are boring to them.
7. You will no longer look forward to “family celebrations” like you used to
You will proudly celebrate a Thanksgiving Day or Christmas with your family, and your children will eagerly wait for Christmas and Easter. However, you will not celebrate those holidays with your parents. You will not sit at the table with your parents, but your kids will sit there with you and your wife… All those holidays will remind you of the time you spent with your parents, and you will feel bad because of that.
8. You will “figure out” their secrets, but will be too late to ask them
You will find out about some of their secrets from the people who knew them or some letters you found in an old cupboard. You will find out about some of their habits that were not noticeable while they were alive. But you will not be able to ask them about it. You won’t be able to ask them about their first kiss or a date. You will go to a restaurant, and they won’t be there to ask them whether they ate the dish you just ordered, neither how the house was built and some other questions…You will realize that you failed to ask them a lot of things, and that will tear you apart.
9. You will get something beautiful, and you will immediately want to let them know
Do you remember who the first person was that you called a moment after you graduated? Who did you call when you needed help? Who will you call now? You WILL call, but there won’t be anyone on the other side… just that terrible silence.
10. You will find out how much you love them
It will be too late to show that. However, you have to realize that you are now the only person in the world who will sincerely love them. You don’t have to feel so broken. There is one part of them that still lives in this world. Just look into the mirror and see them in your own reflection.
Stand next to your parents while they are still alive. Tell them everything about your fears and share all your joys. Hug them and love them because you can’t hug a memory once they are gone. On the other hand, make sure to spend as much time as you can with your children. Provide them as many memories as you can, because, one day, your children will be the one to carry YOU in their hearts and memories.
